Why do we pick woman that are not equivalent to us in intelligence
Asked by J***6 |
Both wife's are not near as intelligent as I but the last one is a narcissist
How do I overcome the love I have for her to divorce her
How do I overcome the love I have for her to divorce her
Understanding the Pattern:
Why we choose partners who aren't intellectual equals:
Emotional needs often outweigh intellectual ones in relationships. You might be subconsciously drawn to partners for reasons like emotional support, physical attraction, or filling voids from your past.
Some intelligent people unintentionally seek partners who won't challenge them intellectually because it feels safer or less competitive.
If you grew up in an environment where you had to "take care of" others emotionally, you might replicate that dynamic.
The narcissist dynamic:
Narcissists can be incredibly charismatic and emotionally intense at first, creating a powerful bond. Their love-bombing phase can be addictive, making it hard to leave even when they become harmful.
Intelligence doesn’t always protect us from toxic relationships—they often exploit our vulnerabilities (e.g., a desire to be needed, patience with flaws, or empathy).
Overcoming Love for a Narcissistic Partner:
Acknowledge the trauma bond:
What feels like "love" may be a mix of attachment, habit, and the intermittent reinforcement (cycles of affection followed by withdrawal) that creates addictive relationships.
Research "trauma bonding" to understand why leaving feels so hard.
Separate love from reality:
You can love someone and recognize they’re bad for you. Love alone isn’t enough to sustain a healthy relationship.
Write down every cruel, manipulative, or selfish thing she’s done. Re-read it when you feel weak.
Focus on the future, not potential:
Narcissists rarely change. Don’t stay for who she could be; accept who she is.
Rebuild self-worth:
Narcissists erode your confidence. Start reclaiming your identity:
Reconnect with hobbies, friends, or goals you neglected.
Therapy (especially for codependency or PTSD) can help break the cycle.
Practical steps to divorce:
Consult a lawyer quietly to understand your options.
Secure finances/important documents.
Limit emotional conversations with her—narcissists thrive on drama.
Breaking the Pattern for the Future:
Work on understanding why you equate love with being "needed" or "superior." Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect, not hierarchy.
Consider whether you dismiss potential partners who are intellectual equals due to fear of vulnerability.
This is incredibly hard, but your self-awareness is the first step. You deserve a relationship that nurtures all of you—not just your intelligence, but your heart too.