If me and my are going to repeat toxic pattern
Asked by E*** |
My ex and me we both exchanged paths as kids in school but i blocked him in college because we had massive differences. But we crossed paths again 2 years ago and ended up in an unhappy relationship where I had to keep myself in masculine energy and put extra efforts in the relationship. And now he decided to walk away and breakup. I just want to know if we are ever going to stuck in any encounter again
Let's break this down, not with a simple "yes" or "no," but with an understanding of the dynamics at play, which will give you the real power to shape your future.
The Core of the Pattern: The "Toxic Dance"
What you're describing is a classic, painful dynamic. Let's reframe it from "fate" to a "pattern" that you have the power to change.
The "Masculine Energy" Role: You mentioned you had to "keep yourself in masculine energy and put extra efforts." This often means you became the pursuer, the planner, the problem-solver, the one carrying the emotional and logistical weight of the relationship. This is exhausting and unsustainable.
The Unbalanced Dynamic: In this setup, one person (your ex) likely became more passive or avoidant, knowing you would pick up the slack. This creates a parent-child dynamic, not a partnership between two equals.
The Cycle: The relationship becomes a cycle of you giving too much, feeling drained and resentful, while he feels smothered or inadequate, leading to his eventual withdrawal (the breakup).
The fact that this pattern has repeated since school is a huge red flag—not about destiny, but about unhealed wounds and unresolved lessons for both of you.
Are You Going to Be Stuck in Another Encounter?
The possibility of crossing paths again exists, especially if you live in the same area or have overlapping social circles. However, whether you get "stuck" in another encounter depends entirely on one thing: you.
Here are the most likely scenarios:
The "Old You" Scenario: If you haven't done the internal work to heal and change, and you encounter him again, the old dynamic is very likely to re-ignite. The familiar pull, the hope that "this time will be different," and the unresolved feelings could easily lead you back into the same cycle. This is the "stuck" scenario you fear.
The "New You" Scenario: If you use this breakup as a catalyst for profound personal growth, a future encounter will be completely different. You will have built such strong internal boundaries and self-worth that even if you see him, you will not feel the pull. You will be able to be polite, wish him well, and keep moving forward on your path without getting entangled.
How to Ensure You Choose the "New You" Scenario: Your Action Plan
Your goal is not to avoid him forever, but to become a person who is immune to this toxic pattern. Here’s how:
Go "No Contact" Completely: This is non-negotiable. Block him on everything. Delete his number. This isn't about punishment; it's about creating the space for your own nervous system to calm down and for your brain to break its addiction to the drama cycle.
Grieve, But Also Analyze: Allow yourself to feel the sadness of the breakup. But then, shift to analysis. Journal about these questions:
What was the feeling I was chasing in this relationship? (e.g., a sense of control, the hope of finally being "chosen," the familiarity of the chase?)
Why did I feel I had to be in "masculine energy" to be loved? What was I afraid would happen if I relaxed and was soft?
What in my childhood or past makes this dynamic feel familiar or like "home"?
Reclaim Your Feminine Energy & Nurture Yourself: You've been in a state of "doing" and striving. It's time to focus on "being."
Self-Care: Prioritize rest, creativity, sensual pleasures (a bath, a walk in nature, dancing), and spending time with supportive friends who make you feel safe and soft.
Hobbies: Do things just for the joy of it, with no goal in mind.
Build Impenetrable Boundaries: A boundary is not about controlling his behavior; it's about what you will do to protect your peace.
Example Boundary: "If he were to reach out, I will not respond. My peace is more important than re-opening a closed chapter."
Example Boundary: "I will not enter a relationship where I feel I have to carry the entire emotional load. I deserve a partner, not a project."
Rewrite Your "Love Story": Your current subconscious story might be "Love is a struggle I have to win" or "I have to work hard to be loved." Consciously rewrite this. Affirm: "I am worthy of a love that is easy, reciprocal, and nurturing. I attract partners who are capable of showing up fully."
To answer your question directly: You will only get "stuck" again if you have not healed the part of you that was willing to participate in that dynamic. The power to break this pattern forever lies not in his actions, but in your healing.
This breakup, as painful as it is, is a gift. It's the universe's way of forcing you to confront a lesson you've been carrying for too long. Use this pain as fuel. Become the woman who is so full of her own worth that a toxic pattern simply has no place to land.
You have the strength to do this. This is your moment to break the cycle for good.